Ana of Avalon

Walking the Druid path | Grounded Spirituality | Travel blog

Why it’s not karma that keeps you trapped in your toxic relationship!

Why it’s not karma that keeps you trapped in your toxic relationship!

Often I see people who are stuck in toxic relationships justifying this dynamic by saying that they have a common karmic lesson to learn. But the word common is where the big misunderstanding begins.

Every wound we carry inside creates a projection outside. The outside is, so to speak, the screen for the projection. If we carry the wound of lack of self-love inside us, this wound will ensure that it creates the corresponding projections, e.g. in the form of a partner with whom we experience only lack. But instead of seeing the projection for what it is, a reflection of our wound on the outside, we individualize it and associate it with a very concrete person. Through this personification, the wound loses its universality and this creates strong toxic beliefs.

Often this personification has a strong heroic touch as well, a kind of Romeo and Juliet suffering mentality, which can lead to total self-empowerment if one seriously believes that one has to suffer because of karma instead of having a choice!

Because of all the toxic entanglements and the constant ups and downs like a roller coaster ride, this relationship is experienced as particularly intense, which is often mistaken for “a very deep soul love”. Thereby new unhealthy thought patterns can arise.

We would rather romanticize our suffering than soberly realize that it is neither karma, nor the famous twin flame dynamic, but our own unhealed wounds that have manifested this relationship!

However, many may now ask, if it is not karma, then why don’t I make it out of this toxic relationship? This has to do with the nature of the wound. Talk to your wound as if it were an equal counterpart, then you will come across all sorts of beliefs like “I’m not really lovable until I lose 10 lbs” or “I just have to wait long enough, eventually this person will see my worth” or maybe you know this kind of toxic love from your parents and unconsciously re-live it, thinking “that love has to hurt!” Or you “don’t deserve it”.

It is the combination of negative beliefs, which like a spider web, creates a milieu within that makes it so hard to get out of the toxic situation! This toxic wool ball must then be untangled thread by thread and replaced by positive beliefs. This is best done by visualizing the opposite, that true love doesn’t have to beg, or beauty is in the eye of the beholder and the right person will love you just the way you are (including the extra 10 lbs!).

The other person acts only as a mirror to show how far we have come with our the self-healing process. This mirroring is not to be confused with personal karma, which binds person A and B together. Because then it would not manifest itself as a repeating cycle! Often the partner is not the first which reflects this wound in the outside!

But exactly this repetition indicates that it is a pattern which is in us and is not individually connected with a certain person. The person who entered our life is only one of the many faces that this wound can take.

In summary, we are dealing with a karmic pattern and not a karmic life partner. This is wonderful news, because it means that we can leave this pattern behind at any time, unless you create your own prison, precisely through those toxic beliefs that there is still “a lot of karma” to work through here.

These beliefs cause us to constantly try to change the projection of the wound in the outside instead of changing the tape in the movie recorder, which automatically throws another image at us on the screen.

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